My Fatal Flaw

If you’ve known me for a decent length of time you would know that I have a fatal flaw in my personality, which is the fact that I want to do everything by myself. For years, I lived with the idea that I did not need anyone for any aspect of my life. If I relied on someone else that would make me a weak, needy person. This concept was not only a total lie I told to myself, but it became fatal to my life. Due to this thought process I’ve lost friends, overworked myself to the point of almost insanity, and not letting myself really connect with anyone. You see I did not even realize that I had this flaw in my character up until I was eighteen years old, which is impressive considering looking back I started telling myself this lie in elementary school.

How did I come to the point of realization? I came home one night from school overworked, exhausted, and stressed beyond imagination, and the only thing I wanted at that point was to hangout and talk with a friend. My one and only friend I had at the time was busy, and I started to rack my brain for all the friends I could spend time with instead. No one came to mind. I came to realize in that moment that I was all alone. I had pushed everyone else away due to my own pride, and anyone that ever came along to try and help me I had exiled from my life. Now if there is one thing I hate more than anything else in the world it is crying, but despite my best efforts, I began to cry big, ugly tears. I prayed and prayed begging God to help me out of this mess I’d made of my life, and He has day by day.

Ever since that night a year ago, life has felt like an uphill battle at times, but a battle I’m winning little by little every day. There are days when I’m more defeated than others, but in the end I know I have the Father fighting on my side for me. In the days when I feel alone, I always think of my favorite verse:

Isaiah 14:27:

“The LORD of Heaven’s Armies has spoken— who can change his plans? When his hand is raised, who can stop him?”

For anyone that ever feels alone and like there is no one around that cares for you, I challenge you to remember this verse. Why? God has a master plan for your life, which is greater than anything we could think or imagine. The end result I guarantee you is not for us to be alone or to feel like we have no one. So trust that this time will pass, and one day you will be able to look back and sincerely thank God for the beauty that came from the pain of the past.

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